Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Tue, 09 May 2006 01:56:46 GMT

its my birthday...being 16 is pretty cool i guess

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 22:16:53 GMT

"adminstrated request" to stay home for 3 days, so basically suspended without it going on my record since I didn't do anything. Union sucks ass, but at least I get a long weekend. Really bored but its fun to go around and be the only kid

O ya forgot to say Rachel Laverty sucks and Beasly is on crack constantly...felt like u all should know.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 01:24:04 GMT

bored so updating...comment

Monday, January 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Jan 2006 23:55:12 GMT

bored as hell so updating this seems to be a good time killer. Some new stuff in my life I guess, a few wtf moments. Still too big of pussy to tell girl I like her. O well. Comment if you wanna

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 03:23:16 GMT

wow havent used this in forever....what a shocker. Some new shit in my life I guess, like a girl but dunno how to say it. Plenty o Problems with various stuff...basic afterschool special stuff I guess. Well comment I guess so I don't feel so lonely.

http://www.razor-gator.com/index.htm They said if I put this on my site they will send me a free one...and they are pretty damn sweet so you should do the same.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 22:56:14 GMT

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.

Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquillizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck
Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to
his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shit on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

At the end of each week, Chuck Norris murders a dozen white people just to prove he isn't a racist.

Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.

Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in
every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll
give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right
legs.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing off people one by one.

There is no "I" in team. There is one "I" in Chuck Norris. Fuck you, team.

Chuck Norris has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Chuck ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Chuck Norris once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at
his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

Chuck Norris's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

If you were to lock Chuck Norris in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest albumn ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Chuck Norris replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

You are what you eat. That is why Chuck Norris's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

Chuck Norris accidentally invented the sport of jousting when he went horseback riding in the middle ages with an erection.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Chuck Norris created Scientology as an April Fool’s Joke one year. To his dismay, no one has gotten it.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "fucking."

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fark down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

In WW2 President Truman had two options: Use the atomic bomb or send Chuck Norris. He chose to use the atomic bomb. Reason: It was more humane.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 01:32:27 GMT

*OFFICIAL*
which group would win in a fight...cast your vote NOW...just IM me and I'll add it

Pirates: 5
Ninjas: 8
Golden Girls: 0
Apes with Aids: 1
Zombies: 0
Cowboys: 0
Crab People: 1
Moon Men: 0
Secret Taco Nazis: 2 ( o no....)
Modern Day Literature: 0
Jehova's Witness: 1

Tell me if I'm missing anyone and I'll add them

*Official*
which person or thing would win in a fight

Mike Jones: 1
Abraham Lincoln: 0
Brian Peppers: 0
Kool Aid Man: 2 ( O YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)
Keanu Reeves: 0
King Kong: 2
Sean Connery: 2
Sylvester Stallone: 1
Jebus: 0
Tupac: 0
Prince: 4
Captain Planet:
Bill Nye(the science guy): 0
Bob Barker: 0
Carson Daily: 0
Mrs. Monroe: 0
Bill Cosby: 1
Rob Schneider(as a stapler): 0
Rob Schneider(as a little boy): 0
Rob Schneider(as a banana): 0
Rob Schneider(as a gigilo): 0
Rob Schneider(as a hot chick): 0
Rob Schneider(as Rob Schneider): -1
Nick Cannon: 0(keep it this way...)
Dr. Phil: 0
Jerry Springer: 0
Lil' Kim: 0
Kirk Johnson: 0
George Bush: 0
Osama Bin Laden: 0
Baby Jebus: 1
Rock: 0
Phil of the Future: 3
Paper: 0
Scissors: 0
Stella Highfill: -665
Heads: 0
Tails: 0
Vader: 0
Kurt Cameron: 0
Drake and Josh(tag team): 1

if I'm missing anyone tell me and I'll add them

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 17:35:15 GMT

Fun fact of the day...God backwards is Dog...dun dun daaaaaaaaaaaa

fuck Nick Cannon...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 03:07:45 GMT

hey 100 people told me to get a xanga so I actually did...so I'll prolly never update but enjoy my photo and everything and comment if you want.

xxxForcedXEntryxxx's Xanga